This year marks the eighth consecutive year that I have organized an annual Spring golf trip to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, a trip consisting of 20-24 golfers. It will be the 12th year out of the past 13 that I will have the pleasure of participating. It started out as a trip consisting of mostly corporate employees and has since mutated into a hodge-podge of gentlemen from all walks of life. Someone once stated, “If your golf handicap is higher than 24, then your time would be better spent at the dentist’s office instead of the golf course”.
This person obviously has never been on our annual golf trip. While golf, beaches and bars all make good excuses for a planning a mini vacation with the guys (and the golf is no doubt full of competition and side bets), I have come to understand that the participants experience something more than the highs and lows that accompany the game of golf.
Each year, the golfers learn a little bit more about one another, many times getting to know a person that they had never met before or maybe have not spoken to for a year. Each year, our golfers appear to connect a bit more with one another’s humanity, understanding that there is more that connects us than divides us. Each year, each of us learns a bit more about our self.
For me, my most significant lesson came in 1997 when a work colleague asked me if I wanted to go on the trip. My immediate response was “No, I don’t play golf well enough to go on a trip”.
Truth be told, I was not open to considering a trip that had been secretly labeled “the good ole boys time away”. For many years, I was the ‘token’ minority within the management structure of our corporate environment. Token is not a label that I’ve ever used for myself, but one that accompanies being the only anything different within a leadership structure. So deep down, I was resistant to being a token once again, especially on a golf trip.
Lucky for me, my colleague was persistent. He exposed flaws in every excuse I created, refusing to let me say no. My choice became clear. Tell my colleague the truth about why I didn’t want to go, thereby reducing myself to the narrow-minded decision maker that I had many times complained about within our work environment or confront my fear and give it a chance. As in other times of my life, I took the road less traveled. I agreed to go on my first golf trip with “the boys”.
The learning that many of us gained was that ‘different’ could no longer be used as a description of one another. Clearly, we had more in common than we had previously recognized. We had all been somewhat duped by the social constructs that expected us to be different based on a physical attribute. Golf, or more specifically, the golf trip has been the path to learning that if there are differences, they are typically not the ones that we are taught.
Over the years, I have convinced others to attend the trip with conversations similar to the one I had with my work colleague. The first concern is always the skill level. I explain, as it was explained to me, that everyone’s game is welcomed on the trip. Each day, the scoring is by teams consisting of players from 4 different skill levels. Each team has an A player (76-88), B Player (89-101), C Player (102-108), and D Player (109-130).
We have implemented the double par rule, which states that the score for any golfer on any hole can be no higher than double par. This rule is handy on our trip. Also, there are no PGA rulebooks accompanying the golfers on this trip. It’s a lot more entertaining to solicit the opinions of the golfers than check the rulebook. Bottom line, anyone’s skill level is acceptable and more importantly, welcomed on this trip. As I learned, the collective invites ANYONE who wants to participate.
There is only one hard rule: EVERYONE IS EXPECTED TO MAKE EACH TEE-TIME. This was demonstrated to me on my first trip, when I saw a taxi pull up to the clubhouse at 8:00 AM on day two of the trip. Two of the trips more prominent golfers got out of the taxi. They obviously had been up all night. They were wearing the same outfits I had last seen them in the day before, and they had developed in intimate relationship with Jim Beam. Jim accompanied them out of the taxi. Just watching them get into the tee box while listening to their stories about their adventure supplied me with more entertainment that I could have ever imagined. I never knew golf could be so much fun. Within two years, I convinced some of my personal friends to join us on this trip. This cycle of golfers inviting others from outside the group has continued over the years resulting in a group of golfers from many walks of life. My guess is that we have golfers whose net worth is in the millions and golfers whose net worth consists of the equity in their modest home. The interesting thing is that it would be very difficult for anyone from the outside to determine which is which. This is one aspect that makes our trip unique.
No new golfer ever fails to express exactly what I felt after my first trip. They express feelings of acceptance that they never would have associated with a golf trip. Each always talks about how much fun they experienced on the trip. Very little of the feedback is ever focused on golf results. The 6 handicap golfers enjoy the golf as much as the 30+ handicap golfers, something that I once never believed to be possible. Fun, patience and an appreciation for life formulate the spirit of this trip.
What happens after each round of golf is just as significant as the golf. Everyone typically has a drink in the clubhouse while the scores from the days round are tallied and the payoff distributed. During this time, the exaggerated stories about the days round are shared, creating a euphoria in the clubhouse. If the bartender was having a bad day it quickly changes when our gang appears. Any tears of sadness are quickly converted to tears of laughter. I find the post golf clubhouse experience to be a significant part of the bonding that takes place on the trip. While storytelling has always been a wonderful method of bringing people together, this time together is also the only time that every golfer is in the same confined location for more than fifteen minutes. It is where golfers start making evening plans, based on each golfer’s personal preferences. It is the window of opportunity where golfers who may not know one another very well, make evening plans together based on a common interest.
The variety of interests that have been shared over the years include dinner, bar golf, gambling, dancing, live music, card playing, televised sports events, karaoke, shuffle board, pool and adult entertainment. There are also the golfers who would prefer to just relax in their room. Whatever the preference, each golfer knows that each individual is respected for making whatever choice is right for him. No one is judged based on the way they play golf or how they choose to enjoy their free time.
Someday, I hope to improve my golf game enough to enjoy several rounds of golf in Scotland. I have even suggested that we take our annual golf trip to Scotland. I feel confident that I will make this happen someday, but it will only be for the experience of playing in the old country. I have already decided that no matter how much fun I have, it won’t be the same as our current annual trip to Myrtle Beach. I recognize that the quality of the golf course or the skill of the golfer doesn’t bring me the enjoyment that I experience. It’s the people…and the opportunity to connect…and the grand things we share…that I enjoy the most.
